wacky, tacky and possibly true

I had an epiphany at work while I was drinking my morning coffee and surrounded by the jungle of papers that I've ignored since finals. Right now, I feel like I'm a mess - fresh from college with absolutely no direction. I can't even predict what lies ahead and I am paving the road to no where. I need someone to point me in a direction...any direction. 'Round and 'round, I go..where I stop, who the fuck knows?

I look at the jungle that sits before me. I reach into the drawer that screams for organization as I shuffle through it looking for my chapstick only to realize that it's in my jacket pocket. I grab my jacket that I hastily threw over my chair when I walked in the office and patted-down in search for it. I finally find it, swipe some balm on my lips and throw it back into the sea of pens in my desk drawer.

I step back and look at the disarray that epitomizes my situation - my room is in shambles, my car is disgusting, my credit history is worse, my iTunes library is out of whack, my books are like buried treasures, my purse that I don't even carry because it's filled with old receipts, my closet...

Perhaps if I clean, it'll move the obscurity in front of me and I can finally make a rational decision. As stupid as it sound, a little cleaning is probably all it takes...

decision '07

I've been planning on building my own compost bin for quite some time now. Construct my DIY bin, get down with some vermiculture, witness the magic as garbage turns into healthy, fertilized soil and finally start my organic herb garden that I've been dreaming of. I even went to the Home and Garden show amongst all the old white ladies and their gardening visors. This has been a seemingly intangible goal because I know I can never stay and commit to a garden...

Now that my undergraduate career has come to an end, I'm left staring down a diverged road. A part of me wants to settle in the comfort of my hometown, my Bay Area...stay with my folks, commute to school or I'd pick up a full-time job, raise my pups, plant my garden and begin to map out the rest of my adult life. While another half of me wants to pick up and leave - run away to the other side of the country or even the world, start anew, cultivate my knowledge and experience through my travels and not think twice about how ridiciously in debt I'll be once it's over. Now the question that lies before me is this: Where the hell do I go from here?

If only flipping a coin were that simple.